4 Things I Stopped Doing This Year

Charles Alexander
Jun 15
4 min read

Updated: Jun 22

"We shake with joy

we shake with grief

what a time they have, these two

housed in the same body"

-Mary Oliver

Greetings, diligent snackers!

One theme I keep coming back to is the cycle of triggering and frustration that often leaves us feeling defeated even though we're all highly effective classroom leaders. Why does this happen? Because teaching is an energy exchange. What am I trying to less often to ensure that those exchanges are positive more often in our classrooms?

#1-I stopped firing off answers.

This is so difficult for my ADHD brain, but it adds so much to a sense of calm and peace in the classroom. Simply hear, wait a second, and calmly respond. PRO TIP: use nonverbals as much as possible. Seems easy, until the buzzsaw that is our ongoing subset of tasks gets rolling, and our anxiety kicks into overdrive. I'll keep practicing...you should, too. It's a wonderful opportunity to practice how we want students to respond to one another. They do what we do, not what we say, after all. Even if you don't think you have time, remember that we're actually paying it forward, because we'll be dealing with fewer conflicts later on.

#2-I stopped making class celebrations conditional.

My school uses a beautiful structure called CREW. Mine just finished its second year together, meeting for thirty minutes each school day. We celebrate Crew members' birthday parties with food. For awhile, I would threaten to cancel the party depending on the group's level of engagement with my lessons. I soon realized, as mountains of data show, that punishments and rewards do little to effect long-term behavioral outcomes. I woke up one day, after reading Kohn's PUNISHED BY REWARDS, and decided not to use the birthday parties as a carrot for temporary compliance. By doing so, students understand that navigating life with an immature brain that can lead to making less than optimal choices (notice the intentional non-use of good and bad--stay tuned), and that this is normal and doesn't need forgiving. Again, the idea of acceptance and letting go of the silliness and pettiness that can be a part of growing (as long as it doesn't cross the line into being unsafe) empowers kids to take more academic risks because everything they do isn't about a cognitive binary.

#3-I stopped making sarcastic remarks.

These can seem like a defense mechanism, especially with older students, but they can actually do more harm than good. First, we're often inviting a power struggle with little humans who are arguing machines...

TEACHER: "Maybe it's because you're always out of your seat."

STUDENT: "Maybe you should look more closely, because I was just sitting down."

TEACHER: "Then, you got up and walked across the classroom to see your friends."

STUDENT: "You always single me out. Those two are always walking around and you never talk to them!"

...and so on. Trust me, they do this all day long with one another and with caregivers...we can't win. Plus we're teaching the wrong lesson to everyone. What might have felt good in the moment has led to a challenge where we now have to mete out punishments when we were simply seeking control. Second, some brains can't process sarcasm in the way we may use it, and that confusion can lead to further lesson disruption. FACT: Kids' immature brains make them do (sometimes mean and hurtful) things at inappropriate times. When we accept this (remembering that we mess up sometimes, and, more importantly, the fact that almost no student behaviors are personal), it becomes so much easier to meet kids where they are and to be more effective and affective facilitators of learning. What if seven kids are up and walking around at once? Walk around, bringing their attention back to task by pointing to the board, a chart, or the paper/device on their desk or table. Repeat. (NOTE: I still use plenty of sarcasm with kids when we're lightly bantering, by the way).

#4-I stopped "piling on".

Last week I redirected a student. They responded with expletives out of anger and frustration. Another classroom norm has been breached, so, in the moment, is it productive to let the student know that they've now committed another violation? By now, we all know the answer. However, frustration in the moment can lead us down that road. I'm finding that the brief meetup later in the day to debrief the incident has much more value. It is neither productive nor healthy to seek satifaction from sanctioning students. What happened during the redirect? I explained to the student that they couldn't join their friend in another class, even though it was the last day of school (none of the other students were doing this). The kid shouted a bad word in class. I ignored it. The incident ended. Did any other students suddenly feel empowered to yell inappropriate words in response? Nope.

Clearly, this way of acting and reacting plays out in their worlds all the time. Hopefully, my calm acceptance in those moments will eventually lead them to act differently.